By Jenny Tinmouth
06/02/2021
The Inherent Desire for Control - Embracing Choice and Letting Go
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over, instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli
Our innate desire for control stems from our evolutionary past in a world filled with uncertainty. Survival once relied on being prepared and vigilant in the face of unpredictability. Fear became the driving force behind our need for control, reassuring us that we can understand and influence what happens around us. In an unpredictable and chaotic world, a sense of control offers a comforting illusion of certainty, reducing anxiety and promoting a feeling of security. As a result, we strive for control in our lives, as it gives us a sense of empowerment. Without it, we feel threatened and insecure.
However, control comes in different forms, and it is crucial to question how much we can genuinely control external factors or other people. Surprisingly, excessive control can hinder our ability to achieve our goals. Overthinking and overly controlling actions can drive others away due to a lack of inclusion and collaboration. Such over-controlling tendencies create feelings of powerlessness, similar to when we have no control at all. This excessive need for control can drain and exhaust us, contributing to anxiety and weakness.
To better understand the concept of control, it helps to categorise it into three distinct areas: no control, indirect control, and direct control.
We have no impact in the first domain, as certain elements lie entirely beyond our control and influence. Acknowledging and accepting this fact is crucial, allowing us to respond appropriately. For example, the weather is beyond our control, but we can decide how to respond to it by wearing appropriate clothing.
The second domain involves elements that we can influence to some extent. Recognising where we can make a difference empowers us to take action. For instance, research shows that lifestyle choices like diet and exercise can influence our health.
Lastly, the third domain, direct control, relates to issues or elements of a situation that we can directly control. This often involves managing our reactions, attitudes, and decisions in response to situations. While we cannot control the family we are born into or our genetic makeup, we have control over our daily habits, such as eating healthy and determining our sleep schedule.
Maintaining a sense of balance requires identifying which areas of our lives fall within these control domains. Focusing on what we cannot influence or control, or confusing influence with control, can lead to unnecessary distress and frustration. Instead, embracing the freedom of letting go of uncontrollable aspects allows us to channel our energy toward areas where we can make a difference.
The desire for control is deeply rooted in our evolution as a means of survival. However, the extent to which we can control external events or other people is limited. Our best approach is to gain self-awareness and relinquish control over things beyond our reach. Embracing the freedom of letting go allows us to tap into the power of choice. In our quest for control, we should remember the importance of choice, adaptability, and resilience. By embracing the freedom to make choices and accepting uncontrollable aspects, we can find harmony and a more profound sense of fulfilment in our lives.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”
Reinhold Niebuhr
This article is for information purposes only and should not be treated as a professional opinion or advice. The content is not guaranteed to be complete, current, accurate, or error-free and is not offered as a substitute for professional advice. By reading this blog, you acknowledge and agree that any actions you take based on the provided information or channels are executed at your own risk.